Publication: 27th June 2019 – HarperCollins
Family begins with a capital eff.
I’m wondering how many more f*cking ‘phases’ I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me ‘it’s just a phase!’ for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is ‘just a phase.’ Potty training and the associated accidents ‘is just a phase’. The tantrums of the terrible twos are ‘just a phase’. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All ‘just phases!’ When do the ‘phases’ end though? WHEN?
Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight – a dragon badger or a ninja horse – they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts – except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.
I got so excited when I found out that Gill Sims had a new book coming out that I went on NetGalley right away and requested it. I’d like to thank HarperCollins for accepting my request so quickly and giving me the chance to read this fabulous book.
Ellen is back with a year full of surprises and troubles. Her children are now two moody teenagers. Jane is fifteen years old and, like many girls that age, is embarrassed by her mother and she spends most of her time on her cell phone chatting with her friends and going to parties. Her son Peter is thirteen years old and his days are divided between playing video games and eating all the food he can find in the kitchen (although I loved how sensitive he could be). Her husband Simon is no help at all and their marriage is far from happy. Add a full time job, three chatty chickens that are chatty only in name, and two dogs that don’t get along. Somehow, Ellen has it all under control. Or almost…
Once again, the author managed to make me laugh and keep me completely engrossed in the novel. Her characters, as well as her stories, are very engaging and realistic. Ellen is smart, witty, and honest and readers can relate to her. Dealing with teenagers is exhausting. They are judgemental and whiny. I don’t remember being like that when I was 15 years old. Well, our cell phones did the basic calls and texts, social media was just at the beginning, and we barely wore any make up, but if I ever was as dramatic and sarcastic as Jane I need to apologize to my mother. In my eyes, Ellen is supermom as she endures the many and incessant demands of her self-centred family and it’s no surprise if she loses her patience and she drinks a lot of wine.
If you have read Why Mummy Drinks and Why Mummy Swears, you are going to love this third book. If you haven’t read them, what are you waiting for? They are hilarious and addictive and WHY MUMMY DOESN’T GIVE A ****! is a superb addition to this irresistible series!